There’s an easy way for you to practically apply the Dead Man’s Test.

You’ll remember the Dead Man’s Test from last week’s post “What Dead Men can Teach You about Effective Leadership”. It’s simply a way of helping you decide if something is a behaviour. If a dead man can do it perfectly, it’s not a behaviour and it won’t help you create a successful outcome.

The easy way to pass the test is to avoid saying ‘don’t’. Or to put it another way, don’t say don’t.

Tell people what you want them to do, not just what you don’t want. An active behaviour involves doing something, rather than omitting something. For example, say, “Walk” (rather than, “Don’t run”) or when your people are on customer calls say, “Explain what you are doing for anything that takes you longer than 10 seconds” (rather than, “Don’t ignore your customers”).

So, don’t say don’t.

Allow me to reiterate the reasons for taking this approach:

• People perform best when they know exactly what they should do
• If you’re always saying ‘don’t’ to people then they’ll feel like they’re being constantly criticised
• While people may stop doing what you don’t want them to, it doesn’t mean that they’ll start doing what you do want
• Lastly, it is so much easier to reinforce, or recognise, positive behaviour.

This approach to leadership works just as well for parents as it does for managers. Jody Johnston Pawel provides the same advice in her parenting classes. She says,

“In all the years I have taught parenting classes, one skill has stood out as a four-star skill for gaining co-operation from children and preventing problems like power struggles and tantrums. I call it, ‘Don’t say don’t’.”

She goes on to say, “Children will usually enact the picture created in their minds. So, instead of telling your child what not to do, tell them what to do. Create the picture in their minds. Say, “Keep the milk in the glass.”; “Stay on the path.”; “Watch where your feet are.””

As it turns out, children and adults aren’t that different after all. To improve both your parenting and  leadership skills, remember this – don’t say don’t.

Image by Cherilyn Derusha